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Parenting: 10 Years On
Come April 2008, I would have been a parent for 10 years. Wow! Whilst that sounds like a long time, I know it pales when compared to many others who have gone ahead of me. Be that as it may. Still, 10 years is, well, 10 years! And it is indeed a milestone for me.
Like many others, I started out with ideals, hopes and great expectations. Not just for my children, but for how I'd want to conduct myself as a parent, and a Christian parent at that. 10 years on, and six children in tow, let's just say I've had to make a lot of adjustments to my thinking and beliefs. By now, you would have guessed that I am no expert when it comes to parenting. I am still learning and ever leaning on the all-sufficient grace of God! Through the years, God has used parenting and my children to teach me many things about my relationship with Him. And about myself - ouch!
Take love, for example. It is through parenting that God expanded my understanding of love. Not just mushy and romantic love, but love that would prevail whether my children behaved rightly or not. It is easy to love when they don't talk back. But when they begin to have a mind of their own (and they all do!), "love is patient" doesn't come quite automatically to me. Even so, I am constantly reminded of how often I too disappoint God, my Heavenly Father. Yet, He loves me regardless my shortcomings, my disobedience and my rebelliousness. Even when I mess up, He keeps on loving me. And because He loves me, He is also prompt to discipline me for my own good. In the same way that God loves me, I am to love my children.
I've also had to learn quickly that I cannot parent without God! Any parent would agree with me that parenting is tiring and demanding. If I only depend on and give of myself, it won't be very long before I burn out and give up! There are just too many decisions to make, issues to juggle, emotions to manage, personalities to handle and diapers to change! And I haven't even begun to talk about the financial requirements of the household. Truly, I cannot hope to rely on myself at all. I have to rely on God and His grace that is all sufficient for all situations! He is my Life, my Source and my Provider.
It is easy to gripe about the lack of godly role models in the church today. But to be that godly role model for my family? God knows I try!! If anyone knows how I behave when no one is watching, it's my children. My best sermons and teachings don't impress them. They see who I really am when I interact with them at home. They know I am not as perfect, or as spiritual, as I make myself to be. How can I ask them to pray if I don't? How can I ask them to read the Word if I don't? How can I ask them to serve God with joy if I grumble and complain about ministry? My children serve as a reflection of my Christian behaviour. Without knowing it, they hold me accountable to whatever I preach and teach.
I know I am not perfect but I used to think I wasn't such a bad guy. Would you believe that I've been known to be patient and gentle? But it's one thing when you are your own man (or woman), and it's totally another when you are a parent. Parenting revealed all the weaknesses I never thought I had! It sure didn't take my children long to show me how selfish and self-centred I still am - surprise, surprise! So often, I've found myself crying out, "What about me?" Deep within, I am constantly fighting for my rights, my time, my desires and my dreams! Six children later, I confess there's a lot more the Holy Spirit has to deal with.
And what about servanthood? I believe you don't fully understand what servanthood is until you become a parent. OK, OK, so I am biased but we are talking about parenting here. Many serve in church because they derive a sense of belonging and purpose. I challenge their full understanding of being a servant the way Jesus defined and demonstrated it. No splendor, no prestige, no gratitude. Sounds a lot like parenting, doesn't it? Parents serve with little acknowledgement from the ones they serve. Parents serve without expecting anything in return. Parents serve by being last that their children may be first. Parents serve by sacrificing their time, their sleep, their ambitions. If anyone wants to experience servanthood, be a parent.
10 years of parenting and yet it seems I have only just begun. So much has happened and there is still so much to learn and experience. Just when I think I know enough, something happens to show me that I don't. For sure, parenting is no walk in the park. Which is why I need to cling to my Father every step of the way for it is He who enables me as I bring up my children for His glory and purposes. Indeed, children are blessings from the Lord. Through the six children He has blessed me with, I have gained a deeper appreciation of how much God loves me, how He faithful He is as I rely on Him, and how He is shaping and molding me into the image of His Son Jesus Christ.
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